begin anew

I went to bed last night at 9:30 after starting Omnivores Dilemma by Michale Pollan. I have read it before when it first came out but I thought it was time for a re-visit. I read about corn sex and how Americans are walking potato chips and all of that and then fell asleep. I was tired, and going to bed early felt like exactly the right thing to do. Unfortunately the dogs were wide awake and woke us up several times. In spite of that, I actually feel refreshed. I haven't woke up feeling refreshed in I don't know how long.

For me the thing about waking up refreshed is I can take on things in my head that I cant when I'm just worn out. So I can see things clearer. Which is exactly what I needed. I needed to see a picture of the future. I needed to know what it is I need to be doing to ensure things are as they should be three months from now, or heck next week for that matter. So I opened my journal and I closed my eyes and I asked to see what life looks like in a month or two. Whats growing? how much of it? who's taking care of it. I see it as if its already in place. What does it feel like? am I banging my head against a wall or am I at peace? This is how I know how to begin.

So, I've got about a month left with the interns and boy have I got some amazing things for them to learn. The next month is of course maintaining what we already have, weeding, harvesting, watering. But then the rest of our time is going to be spent working on the fall and winter garden, but this time were not only creating the right care and growing conditions but were going to create a sanctuary, which is what a garden should be, at least for me. See I'm trying to create a life that I can manage, which isn't effected good or bad by outside forces, a life that is sustainable. inter-dependant and independent. Does that make a bit of sense?

With out saying flat out, I really don't want to have to depend on a soul for the success of Living kitchen. I never want to put myself in the position again that Living Kitchen has to depend on one person (other than myself) for it success. I never want to put this farm at risk again. Its not that I want a life of solitude and hermitage (well not completely at least) I just want to give this dream the chance and respect it deserves. I want to serve, and serve well and I don't want anyone including myself to get in the way.

So I start the day inspired, slightly re-newed (I might looked a bit haggard on the out side). The past is accepted and I can move forward into the next chapter.

Yesterday we started broccoli and cauliflower seeds and some tomatoes which will be planted in the fall and winter garden in about 4 weeks. I cant wait!