Saturday, June 5, 2010

between joy and stability

Had a great farmers market today, the booth looked fabulous and again I feel the satisfaction of good honest hard work, but when we unload the bins and bins of fresh produce harvested 12 hours before I worry. I worry if it will all sell. As we unload the truck and before our very eyes the tables mount with beautiful kale, chard, kohl rabi, beets, turnips, lettuce, boc choi, and tatsoi, I worry. Will I make enough money to pay my bills this month? I've been putin in 13 to 15 hour days for what feels like weeks. I'm feeling fine about it and joyful but can I make the truck payment this month?

We didn't sell out but I can make the truck payment this month.
One question I have to ask myself every month is; Will I always struggle financially farming?
While others buy toys and things to fill their space, I buy the absolute basics. I wonder if this is okay. It feels okay most days. I don't feel deprived in the least and I eat like a queen. But you have to wonder don't you? Whats the trade off for utter happiness.

yesterday afternoon I was harvesting peas. It was the last thing left to harvest. It was so hot, alone in the field my tan bare arms crusted with mud and sweat, I crouched down in the isle scootching down it toward the end inch by inch trying to get every pea I could. I tested many along the way and they cooled me. My back was to the west and I looked east over the rows of previous harvested crops. I swear steam was coming off of them It was so beautiful. The Meadow Larks and Killdeer were scampering about and twilling their songs. I never thought once about money or toys or things to fill my space. I couldn't think of a thing I needed right then. I wonder if it will always be like this? and I hope with desperate enthusiasm eventually I can make ends meet and still feel this joy.

1 comment:

gourdphile said...

The joys of pulling of a living out of thin air: You work your ass off day and night. Your brain never ever shuts up. You're filthy. You in particular are well fed...I eat cereal and drink lots of milk and eat cherry popsicles. Sorry. I think I felt you shudder. But I don't think about food until I'm STARVED and can't wait another minute.....

In the middle of this life, I've often thought, "Thank GAWD, I don't have a job..." I guess that's the sort of nutty thinking that keeps those of us in the life, in The Life.

Peace to you. Hope to sit at your table some day.


Our mutual friend is Denise Queen of Knitting and Lavender