Saturday, April 16, 2011
The air i breathe
It's just been nuts. You know how it is; 85ish lambs 50ish sheep, 20ish goats, 200ish chickens and 2.5ish acres that still need to be planted. I know.
I've had some moments here lately when I just don't know if all of the work is really worth it. I mean I'm not getting any younger or richer and bills arnt getting any smaller. I do it because it feels brilliant! but not always right, and not always good. Does that make sense? I'm in it deep and by that I mean I'm deep in love with farming so I'm not going anywhere, but sometimes love is painful, and compromises need to be made.
On a particularly rough day last week I sat down in the evening after a good 15 hour day and checked e-mail, One of our CSA members wrote me the nicest note about how much he has been enjoying the weekly shares and the cheese! Reading this at such a vulnerable moment was profound. My entire body felt awake. Yes! Yes, this is why its worth it. The e-mails and conversations I have with our customers washes away the dirt and grime of my mind, the mind that tells me I cant do this. The mind that tells me its not worth it. Some times I have to be reminded that I am doing it.
Right now I'm feeling good. In sipte of being up at 3:30 am for the Farmers market, my energy is good and I'm at ease. This is the time when I can see things clearly with out the clutter. I have my ups and downs, mostly and thankfully ups. Things are not going to get easier, but things are definitely getting better. Little by little I'm making progress. More and more things are falling into place. Every year I learn a little more and I try a little harder and it feels like every cell in my body is awake and alive and that my friend makes every bit of this worth it.