Over the last several weeks I have felt a strong desire to
write. It could be the pace of the farm has slowed which enables me to ponder
and think about things in a less hurried way or it could be some things I’ve
been macerating on have finally run its course. I’ve neglected the blog for
some time, mostly because it’s hard to dissect the things that go on into readable
sentences. I become self-conscience and worry that I’m being a narcissist
thinking anyone would be interested about reading MY day to day experiences on
this farm, or that I will be called out on being a terrible writer, and maybe all
of that is true, but the drive to write is too strong to resist right now and if
I say “later, I’ll write it down later”.
Well, poof it’s gone.
I have this same relationship to social media, using the
Facebook and twitter. It’s helped spread the word about the farm so much so I
think I might actually make a real go of it. But I stammer and hide when it
comes to posting personal stuff and by that I mean things that I feel really
confused by like a death in my farm family of animals or illness, or
insecurity, vulnerability, or even happiness and success. I don’t want to sound
too happy or too terrified or too tragic but it seems it’s always one or the
other.
Lately there has been a lot of happiness, a lot of
contentment and peace. I’ve been able to step back and take a look at some farm
situations that needed attention and
focus to make changes that would make big improvements to the day to day. Also
I’ve just come from a week long vacation, which is a ground breaking feat. New York City couldn’t be further from the farm
and that’s where I was! In the middle of Manhattan. I can hardly believe it myself. It was fabulous! that being said, I was
incredibly grateful to come back home. I have a pretty amazing life that not for
one nano second I take for granted. But it was a nice, much needed break, that for once didn't involve sitting cross legged staring at the wall for 15 hours a day.
So what’s the point of this post ? I have no idea except to
be carried by this desire to get it down, get it out and cultivate my
meandering spirit again. I’m making no commitments but I am going to make the
effort. There is a lot of conversation
in my head going on right now about effort.
Once the conversation starts turning to discipline or commitment the fog
starts to come in. Why is this I wonder? Well it’s something I’m ready to
explore and push and prod at. This
should be interesting.
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