Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Guest House

Rumi - Guest House
This being human is a guest house

Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

A dear one sent this to me as I struggled with the pain of a recent break up. Knowing the separation was the best for both of us it still left me feeling defeated, rejected and abandoned, which was what I had experienced from this relationship for many years of it. But regardless it felt like the final blow to a long hard struggle. An end of a dream we once had together, but also the end of a long nightmare.

Ending a relationship is difficult in many ways, separating things you own together, and ending a life you created together no matter how good or bad it was. It didn’t take long for me to realize through the pain there was a light so bright that it illuminated for me how grateful I was be free. My house guests had always been pain, sorrow, loneliness, and confusion. Now the guest who came was love, freedom and peace. Finally peace.

It usually takes several days after a meeting with my ex of going through the task of separating our life for me to “bounce back”. I’m trying to buy the farm from her and she’s willing to sell, she’s more than helpful in this regard and I am grateful. All seems amicable. But for days after we meet my head becomes full of sadness, self doubt and self criticism. I hear her dad’s voice who once told me I was a primadonna and I would never make it farming. And I start to question if he was right. What makes me think I can do this? Especially by myself? How is it that I think I can manage this place and these goats? What nerve I have for even thinking I could do this on my own. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was right all this is so overwhelming… So this is my guest.

It never takes long for this guest to leave and I go about the task of gently pick up the mess they have left behind, and finally the sun shines again in my heart. I let the hope come back and the dreams start flowing and dancing in my life. The self doubt and defeating voices fade away into a gentile soft un-recognizable murmur and I allow what’s real to be recognized. I let the truth in and that is; I am doing this! I am managing this place now rather well without the struggles I had before. My dreams are becoming reality and I hear the harmony and I feel the rhythm of this sacred farm and sacred life.

This is the guest I prefer of course, but what’s more important is that I now know the difference. So now it’s a matter of scraping the residual negative plaque out of my thoughts. The haunting memories are real and I know they serve a great purpose, but I feel the need to detach from them, to leave them where they are in the past. I gently remind myself, Lisa, let the guest leave and grant them a gracious goodbye.

1 comment:

Linda said...

You're amazing. I hope you know that. :)