Tuesday, October 6, 2009

new chapter starts almost now

A cold seems to have come up on me suddenly forcing me to retreat under covers snuggled up with max (my scrappy terrier mixy mix). It’s been a day of miserable coughing and an unrelieved effort to feel better NOW and get some work done. But I’ve been stopped in my tracks. I guess that’s what it takes sometimes. I’ve put on a big pot of chicken broth to help cure my ails.

This week I’ve had a mix of melancholy, anger and joy over the final load at the old farm. On Sunday a bunch of us packed up the yurt and drove down the cedar lined driveway for the last time. The garden still bearing the fruits of our labor but left to rot on the vine, truly was most heart breaking of all, but I was told that if I came onto the property after the first of Oct I would be trespassing. It’s funny how grace can just disappear into the folds of one’s existents, tucked safely away for a more convenient time. Alas I can finally say a new chapter has begun. I will put the last six years behind me and carry on! Probably easier said than done but time heals right?

The move was difficult for me I have to admit although I tried really hard to be incredibly positive and cheerful about the whole thing it was also very heart breaking. Most of the time I felt like the move would never end, there was always something more to haul, catch or clean and unfortunately I had some run ins with the ex that were non too pleasant. I did not realize how difficult it would be to try to move a farm while still operating the daily farm responsibilities like milking twice a day, making cheese, harvesting, selling at the farmers market, trying to get the new place in order for the animals; goat fencing, barn building, and plowing up the new land for a fall/winter garden, while at the same time trying to maintain the old place in sellable condition which I was not too successful at. OK a lot for anyone I know. Why I felt it was necessary to do some of those things was a matter of survival. Hard to explain.

The new farm feels like home to me. It’s taking time to settle in and getting unpacked but the animals love it and that right there gives me so much joy. Once the initial shell shock of the move settles down we’re gonna do some serious farming. I can see the dream so clearly here, that the sadness, the questioning, the self doubt all just melt away. I dreamt of sheep last night, there were many and it was good.


Paula said...

Feel better soon, Bebe. Perhaps now is the time for the healing to truly begin.

Thinking of you,

Paula J-J

Delphyne said...

Ah, endings and beginnings can be so stressful. The move itself was more than enough for you - the other daily doings would do in most people. Congratulate yourself on only getting a cold - some people get a heck of a lot more than that!

I wish you the best of health and joy on your new journey!

Denise~ said...

You dreamt of sheep - a very healthy sign for a shepherdess.

Rest and heal - a beautiful autumn is upon us.