Saturday, May 26, 2012

The hardest things

The hardest things about living and working on a farm that raises animals is treating one that falls ill. The feeling of immense responsibility and helplessness. There is fear and hope mixed all up in it and it feel very uncomfortable. Some times there is success and the animal in question is healed and thrives. Some times its more serious and a trip to the vet is in order and/or death.  Then there is saying goodbye to an old friend. I've only lost one member of my milking herd a few years back and I still morn for her. The other hard thing is saying goodbye to my kids, the goat kids I watch being born, cleaned up and bottle fed. You cant keep em all, especially the boys so each year I sell my beautiful sweet babies. Some years its harder than others. This year I've decided not to keep any kids not even does, I have all the replacements I will need and there was no logic in keeping any kids this year. So Linda and I have said goodbye to eight and are about to say goodbye to four more in a couple of hours.

This group has grown on us. We both admitted last night that we had become more attached that we intended or expected. It just happens sometimes. We shed some tears this morning. After eight years of this you would think I would have my emotions under control. But that's what gets me to the best part of working on a farm that raises animals. If you allow yourself to feel you truly live. In the sadness and the happiness there is life. To really allow myself to truthfully feel my emotions without judgement I grant myself permission to live. To thrive in my ability to experience my humanness or humanity rather. To experience the feelings of compassion, sadness, pity, joy, confusion etc all in truth is truly liberating.  Tears always come easy, from joy from sadness they come with no effort whatsoever.