beat the heat

What can I say. I'm frikin hot.

Update on Granny

All five Llamas are settling in quite fine. Kalamazoo, the gelding that I put in with the goats has finally ventured out of the yard. He went out yesterday for about 30 minutes and came right back. He stands at the gate looking toward the pasture his sisters are in but he wont be able to see them because they are off exploring. As a matter of fact I couldn't find them the other night. Linda and I went for a walk at dusk and had no luck figuring out where they were. So in the morning I took the tractor out and drove along the edges of the tree line.

I finally found them in a really nice little shaded thicket. Granny was on her side again, I really thought she was dead this time. I cautiously walked up. Nope she was alive. I helped her get up. We stood there for a while so she could find her sea legs. She seemed not to mind at all being talked to and caressed. Her long neck tall and proud. She passed a lot of gas right then.

Soon she was off with the others eating and keeping her eye sharp to the tree line and thick woods. Soon I couldn't see them. Later in the evening just before chore time I went to check on them and again and she was down on her side. See for some reason once she is on her side, she cant right herself, she is stuck. So I push her up and shes fine. But this time she was too weak to get up. I sat with her for a long time. Talking to her. The other three Llama stood very close by bending their necks down to sniff me. I felt clearly welcome. I tried to get her up but no good, so I gave up until Linda got home. We brought her water (which she drank) and a little sheep drench (glucose and minerals and stuff) but we still could not get her up.

Granny is 18. I clearly knew she came here to die, but to die with her herd, her family with grace and dignity. When I'm with her I feel like I'm back with my old granny, gas and all. Its nice in a way. I don't have pity for her really, she would hate that I'm sure. But I'm trying my hardest to make this transition as peaceful and loving as I can. The other girls wont leave her side so I'm not concerned about a coyote attack. But I'm going to ask around see what the best thing to do is. She doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress right now.

Yesterday I talked about putting her down and then I had a dream last night I was "put down" because I didn't fit into societies expectations of me. I thought I might be given a chance to conform and spared, but no, and as I was sitting on the floor cross legged (in my dream) the reaper came behind me with a thick strong rope and placed it around my neck. I relaxed and fell into it. I told myself not to fight it. It wouldn't take long, it would be over soon. Immediately I was plunged into a different place alive and well and carrying on again like normal. I don't really know what this means. But life is a beautiful gift and given grace it expires at its own will out of our reach or control. I have no idea what that means either :)

The Llamas

Lets start by saying, no I do not need any more animals. there!

So my friend and Farmer's market manager Lisa Branborg saw me on Saturday and told me she really needed to talk to me about llamas. Llama(s)? I had arranged to get a gelding from her for my goats (they make exceptional guard animals). Apparently there was a good gelding that she could bring me right away, however, there was a small catch. four females came with him. All around 5-7 years old except 1 old lady who was 18. HA! It was a compelling story of saving these fine llamas from the sale barn, they were show llamas and were treated very well but the couple was elderly and couldn't keep them any longer.

Sure why not?

So, Lisa brought them over with Brenda, Brenda is a llama mama too. They needed to be sheared so Brenda went to work right in the trailer! they were all so good.

I put the gelding in with the goats and gave the four girls the run of the 35 acre pasture across from the house. They stayed close that evening and at least they knew where the water and loose minerals were and in the morning they were still there. The old lady was on her side and I thought for sure she was dead. I mean wouldn't that just be my luck. But no she was just laying down. She had trouble getting up so I helped her. She was wobbly on her legs but soon she was up with the gang and off they were to explore. Haven't seen em since. The field is high, really needs to be hayed but I'll go out and look for em this morning in case granny needs help getting up again.

Here's granny (the llama ;)

So no I don't need more animals but I do love llamas and I do have the space and plenty for them to eat, and I can use them as guards for the sheep!

yup, its my birthday! (insert dancing)

I’m happy to report that today I successfully entered into my 44th year of life on this beautiful planet. A birthday is to me what New Years is to others, a time to look back and reflect and to roll out my dreams and goals for the coming year. It’s really exciting!

43 was a beautiful year for personal growth and overcoming challenges which I feel I did mostly with grace. A few breakdowns here and there but more for theatrics than anything, I am a Leo! But wow what a year. One year ago today I was beginning the big move to the new farm. I had no idea what was ahead. I spent my last birthday with friends at the new farm, fished for the second time in my life and got a hook stuck in my hand! HA! You can imagine what I was thinking the rest of the year would look like. This last year has had its challenges but with many rewards. I’ve been pushed to the edge of my ability and didn’t fall off so that to me is success!

This next year to come is going to be the year I nurture myself. It’s going to be my year of cheese. It’s going to be a year of scaling back, of simplifying and focusing on my strengths and building on them. No new projects, no hatching new ideas. I want to live as sustainably as possible. Live off the land so to speak and use as little as I can. I want to quiet myself down a bit, try not to do so much, but do enough. I guess 44 I hope is the year I find my balance.

I am so grateful and have such a deep love and respect for my friends and the people I am so blessed to have in my life. I cannot imagine a good life without them. I am so grateful to have such a loving, caring, supportive and generous partner to share this life with and I am so grateful for all the creatures I share this life with on the farm that teach me grace, patience and compassion.

mornings like these

The dew is thick this morning. It blankets the front yard and pasture like a chenille blanket. Almost makes me want to lay down on it and let its softness take me in. The rain last night was a welcomed friend. The fields were dry and crying out for moisture and the air needed a good cooling down. Today, 94⁰ 30% chance of more rain, but when that sun comes out the air will be thick and our faces will burn, nostrils and chest will feel tight and oppressed. We will take more breaks and go slower on the toe. Each movement a slow dance of exhaustion, one foot in front of the other, tying up tomato plants on last time this season. On the bright side, we are in for a much cooler week.

The end of July is swiftly approaching, the long climb is almost over with, cool weather ahead. Something to look forward too. I love fall. I love summer too but usually in the winter. And I know there is still August to come but looking back in several years worth of Journals, July has always been the hottest for me. August changes somehow, maybe because there is less rain so less humidity or maybe because August is my last push to get things canned and put up so I’m spending more time inside? For whatever the reason I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is a softer and gentler beast.

Not to change the subject or anything, tomatoes are really coming on strong especially Sun Gold Nugget cherry tomatoes, they are the sweetest of all of the cherry tomatoes, delicious. I printed up a recipe last week for our CSA members but I thought I would post it here too. This soup freezes very well.
Sun Gold nugget nectar

This is a delicious summer soup that can be served warm or cold. This recipe is inspired from Deborah Madison’s cook book, Local Flavors, one of my very favorite cook books of all time. Serves 4

2 pints Sun Gold tomatoes
½ sweet onion diced fine
3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
½ teaspoon salt
½ jalapeño minced fine
2 tablespoons fresh basil chopped fine
2 tablespoons of really nice extra virgin olive oil
Remove the stems from the tomatoes and rinse them. Place the tomatoes in a heavy sauce pan with a tight fitting lid with half of the onions the salt and 1 cup of water. Cook over medium-high heat until the tomatoes “pop” out of their skins. Lower the heat and let simmer for 10 more minutes. Run the tomatoes through a strainer use a ladle to push the tomatoes through leaving behind the skin and a good portion of the seeds. This should leave you with just about two cups. Chill the soup and when you are ready to serve add the rest of the onions, the balsamic, olive oil and the basil.

Enjoy!

the oven

Okay, I have no idea what I was thinking building this cob oven right at the busiest time of the year, but I am so glad I did! It looks awesome! So yesterday, Nate and Kathleen harvested, I prepped for the farm table dinner and Linda did real people work. After all our "work" was done we went after the oven.


We are making the cob mixture; sand, clay and straw.

Leveling the platform and laying our oven tiles.

Making the sand mold for our oven

Putting the cob on. The walls are about 5-6 inches thick by time we are finished. We had to make more trips for sand and clay than we thought!

But we did it!

Tomorrow we will dig the sand out and have our first fire in it! Hope it doesn't fall apart!

A time to share

Yesterday we had a group of Global Gardeners www.global-gardens.org out from Rosa Parks Elementary school. That was a blast! what a bunch of incredible kids. They got a milking demonstration, then got to harvest ingredients for our lunch and then they got a cheese making demonstration which we used to make our own pizzas! We had a heck of a good time! It was a nice way to break up a really tough week.

So, I'm not going to candy coat things, so I'll just tell you, everyone on this farm is about to crack. The long days and extreme heat have made us all so emotionally frail that I started crying reading a Kohl's 15% off add. We start at 6am when there is enough light to make a difference and we get out and work in the field for as long as we can stand it 2 or 3 O'clock. Weeding, tying up tomato and pepper plants, harvesting, watering, trying to get what ever we can out of a struggling plot of vegetables.

The saving grace for me however is the outdoor kitchen project we've started. So after we get our work done we work on this project. We have built a 16X16 covered area and we are in the process of constructing a cob or what some call a clay oven oven underneath. Its pretty darn fun and its been really good to break up the day with something we're all really interested in.

Today we cob. I think the oven will be complete this afternoon. might be baking pizza tomorrow evening!

A simple sunday

I’m having a domestic Sunday, just staying inside tending to laundry, vacuuming up dog hair, dead flies and clearing the dust away from last week. Linda and I had a very nice time at the Woody Guthrie Folk Festival yesterday, saw some wonderful musicians. We spent some time at Grape Ranch winery and had an all around wonderful day. Nate and Kathleen ran the market booth on their own and Kathleen did the evening milking for me so we could stay out late and we did, got home past 11pm! Whew doggie!

It’s nice to take some time off the farm, have a little fun, but I’m always happy to return. I’m always happy to sit in my kitchen with a glass of cold goat milk and watch the farm do its farmy thing. I love this life and I miss it even when I’m gone for a day trip, and in some way that in itself brings me comfort. I’m over worked and underpaid that’s just a given, I’m trying to manage my scale and my time but at no time in my life have I felt such bliss. I’m in love.

There are times that it hits me, like when I’m on the tractor pulling a school bus full of chickens that I’m not the person I was in Seattle, not by a long shot. I’m not the city girl anymore I’m not the wine snob either. I’m much easier to please that’s for sure and that’s worth something in my book. I’ve become a simpler person, grateful for most everything I have. But there are times I reminisce about my old life of dust and dirt free living, my blue Volvo, my house by the lake, late morning walks in the park with the dogs, coffee shops, taco trucks, $40.00 bargain wines, trips to Sicily, hot tub mornings with my coffee, weekly massages, yoga classes three times a week. I know, icky. No really I would be lying if I told you I didn’t miss it at times. Things happened, life changed and I changed. If I went back to that life now I would be miserable. I was driven but I wasn’t blissful. I was in most ways successful but I wasn’t in a pastoral stupor driven by the perfect image in my head of making ones way in faming.

Then, I took pleasure in reviews and write ups, busy nights at the restaurant and late evenings eating crab with black beans sauce at Sea Garden, all beautiful to me then. Now I take pleasure in dripping whey from the bag of fresh chevre, kissing my goats cheeks as I say goodnight, strumming my guitar, hanging laundry on the line, canning, raising my own meat and growing my own vegetables. My favorite sound is the milk hitting the side of the pail. I take pleasure in the pastoral idea. I see the pastoral life as some might see heaven. I don’t know if either exist but I keep the fire going anyway and at times I feel like I’m there, and other times I couldn’t be farther from it.

So on this Sunday I take refuge from the oppressive heat and listen to the washer trudging away at the filthy cloths now in it, the sheets on the line will be dry in 15 minutes, and Jalapeños are ready to be put up. Linda has started bread and apple pie and soon I’ll toss scratch to the chickens, gather eggs, feed hay and milk the goats. I’ll make a nice simple dinner of eggplant and squash, green beans and potatoes. After diner I’ll read till I can’t keep my eyes open and I’ll sleep until the alarm goes off at 5am. I won’t be a cent richer or a hair taller.

Thinking about winter

We broke ground in the fall/winter garden today, brush hogged the weeds out of old beds and mapped out the fall planting. We’ve added a really cool project to the mix, were going to build a garden kitchen with a cob oven. Why not? See all four of us have had a lot of discussion about what it means to us to farm. My interns this season, Nate and Kathleen have just a glimpse of things ahead, while Linda and I have a foundation that we are trying to build on and polish. For each of us it’s a little different but I think the common denominator is we feel there should be a strong sense of joy and peace in our work. No matter what we are doing.
The five acre field we’ve been working at this summer is a very good example of medium scale production. This plot can feed a lot of people, it’s takes a lot of long term work and patience to build the soil, to make it as productive as possible and for many this is the type of farming that can bring peace and joy, or it can be a job and only a job, and both of course. For this farm that scale of farming is just too much, and without a large source of labor it’s just impossible to farm five acres of vegetables, milk goats twice a day, make cheese, move sheep, offer farm table dinners, and of course sell at the farmer’s market. But the thing is I want to do all of that!

Finding that balance. Now it wouldn’t be hard to scale down to an acre in vegetable production, that’s always been my model. An acre can provide an amazing amount of food. There would be plenty enough for personal consumption, more than enough for farm table dinners and I’m sure enough left to sell, and easy to manage. But even more I want to create a sanctuary of things I value most which is nourishment, body and soul. So enter outdoor garden kitchen.

So when we got rained in yesterday morning we worked on the plans for said kitchen and it will be a fairly simple structure, covered but open on the sides. Cob oven north corner open to the south west, a concrete slab with a hodgepodge of tiles and bolts as the floor, cedar posts harvested from the farm and materials mostly recycled. The plan is to do this on a very low budget but still make it really cool! I want it to be a place I can relax with my sweetie and friends, share a pizza or two and a place to have my coffee in the morning look out onto the fertile garden and say ahhh….

So we are starting on it Monday, we’ll set the posts and possibly pour the slab. A cement mixer is $50 bucks at the Stroud rent a tool. Once the slab is poured we’ll adorn it with some random conversation pieces. Next is the roof and then the oven. I believe but am not certain can harvest both sand and clay from the land and buy straw. By the end of the month I might be posting a photo of a wood oven baked margarita pizza.

This might just sound like a pipe dream but we’re going for it.

Building nesting boxes

Okay, a little trashy looking now but what a great view the chickens have!

At the end of the month the pullets will be 21 weeks old. This is so exciting because this is when I will switch their feed ration from grower to….. layer. Eggs eggs eggs! I cannot wait!!! I have 45 laying hens now, but many of them are several years old and if they lay an egg at all its whenever they feel like it. I know, I am supposed to turn them in to roasters and make rich flavorful chicken broth out of them, but to be honest some of them I’ve been with for quite some time and we’ll…. I would miss them. Roll your eyes as you will but that’s the truth. So they will stay with me until I find them dead. I’ll then place them in an empty feed bag and bury them in the compost pile and say my goodbyes.

Okay, but now, I will have about 170 laying hens in just less than three weeks. Pets, I think not, maybe one or two ….

So the deal is we need nesting boxes in the Hen-a-beggo (Leslie M. CSA member gets credit for the name) for these girls to go in and lay their eggs. Usually you can find them used at a pretty fair price but I just couldn’t find any, and new they cost over $200.00 For a 10 hole. Can’t do it. So were getting creative here and using scrap wood and such. Nate has carpentry experience so this is old hat to him, but I think I could learn a lot.
The box sits in the bus nicely and it’s just perfect for the hens, easy to clean and easy to gather the eggs out of. Just needs hay in the boxes for the finishing touches and it’ll be ready for the hen and her egg! I think this is gonna be just dandy child!

Eggs in the frying pan, eggs in the skillet. Eggs in morning with my millet.
Eggs make me strong eggs make me bold my eggs make me feel not that old.
Your turn

begin anew

I went to bed last night at 9:30 after starting Omnivores Dilemma by Michale Pollan. I have read it before when it first came out but I thought it was time for a re-visit. I read about corn sex and how Americans are walking potato chips and all of that and then fell asleep. I was tired, and going to bed early felt like exactly the right thing to do. Unfortunately the dogs were wide awake and woke us up several times. In spite of that, I actually feel refreshed. I haven't woke up feeling refreshed in I don't know how long.

For me the thing about waking up refreshed is I can take on things in my head that I cant when I'm just worn out. So I can see things clearer. Which is exactly what I needed. I needed to see a picture of the future. I needed to know what it is I need to be doing to ensure things are as they should be three months from now, or heck next week for that matter. So I opened my journal and I closed my eyes and I asked to see what life looks like in a month or two. Whats growing? how much of it? who's taking care of it. I see it as if its already in place. What does it feel like? am I banging my head against a wall or am I at peace? This is how I know how to begin.

So, I've got about a month left with the interns and boy have I got some amazing things for them to learn. The next month is of course maintaining what we already have, weeding, harvesting, watering. But then the rest of our time is going to be spent working on the fall and winter garden, but this time were not only creating the right care and growing conditions but were going to create a sanctuary, which is what a garden should be, at least for me. See I'm trying to create a life that I can manage, which isn't effected good or bad by outside forces, a life that is sustainable. inter-dependant and independent. Does that make a bit of sense?

With out saying flat out, I really don't want to have to depend on a soul for the success of Living kitchen. I never want to put myself in the position again that Living Kitchen has to depend on one person (other than myself) for it success. I never want to put this farm at risk again. Its not that I want a life of solitude and hermitage (well not completely at least) I just want to give this dream the chance and respect it deserves. I want to serve, and serve well and I don't want anyone including myself to get in the way.

So I start the day inspired, slightly re-newed (I might looked a bit haggard on the out side). The past is accepted and I can move forward into the next chapter.

Yesterday we started broccoli and cauliflower seeds and some tomatoes which will be planted in the fall and winter garden in about 4 weeks. I cant wait!

The loop

The competition is between the bullfrogs and the roosters followed by the cicadas and the crickets. The orchestra leaps forward in sound and back to a subtle drone, a vibration to a yell. These are the sounds I’m hearing right now as I write this post. I need these sounds to keep me here, to keep me in the present. To remind me it’s the earth I’m connected to, it’s the oxygen I breathe, the sun and moon and stars that are real. My being, my life interwoven with this planet and the creatures who I share it with are real. What’s not real is the dialog of defeat and self criticism and the stories that play out in my mind. I know this to be true, but even still it’s hard to believe the difference between what I allow to swim around haplessly un-attended in my head and the actually real events that are occurring all around me.

The defeat comes from my disappointment from this years’ field production. Things are growing just very poorly. I’m able to squeak by. I have enough produce to supply my CSA and farm table dinners and a little left over to sell. But let me put it this way. Last year I grew on ¼ acre. This year 3 ½ acres and production is only slightly above. It’s disappointing and expensive and could have probably been avoided with multiple trips to the barn to collect manure. This is what we are now doing and starting to see great results. But losses are losses and we had many this year. But the year is not over, not even close, which makes it even more important that I stay in the here and now.

The advice of good friends and simple logic tells me to keep moving forward, don’t get stuck in the ‘what ifs’ or the ‘I should haves’. Keep moving forward. It’s not like I have a choice, the clock is ticking. Tick, tick,tick and time is not stopping for me ever. Nor does it work in reverse, unless I’m stuck in my head. This is a prison cell, a time capsule that has no eject button. I have to bust out of it using all of my force. So I listen to the sounds. I watch the chickens, goats and sheep. I look out into the lushness around me and I think about the gifts, opportunities and experiences right now and ahead of me. That’s what I still have. I have this beautiful moment and in this moment the world around me is singing, the chickens are pecking at the ground, the goats are chewing their cud, the squash bugs are sucking nectar out of the squash plants, the grass is growing the sheep are grazing, my blood is pumping through my body and I am alive with such privilege.

So this is my routine; fight the desire to relive the past. Come back to the present and think of the exciting possibilities ahead. It’s a loop. I might be getting slightly better at it. Practice, practice, practice.
Today I started broccoli and cabbage for my fall garden. I just never give up.

The Lavender Feast

Aperitif
Lavender Kombucha tea

First
Lavender marinated Plum and gorgonzola flat bread

Second
Grilled purple cabbage salad with yogurt dressing served with lavender and walnut encrusted goat cheese gallete.

For the tongue
Plum lavender ice

Entrée
Lavender wood grilled pork loin with a sauce of farm foraged chanterelle mushrooms, lavender blossoms and peaches. Mashed potatoes.
Vegetarian entrée: Substitute the pork for a Lavender wood grilled layered eggplant gallete

Dessert
Blackberry and lavender ice cream with lavender blossom short bread cookie

Second Dessert
Lavender chocolate truffles by Andy's Candies


Living Kitchen Farm and Dairy
July 10, 2010

The middle

Its the mid way point of the season.

13 weeks of farmers markets have already passed! its hard to believe. They went so fast, but whats harder to believe is 13 weeks remain. Its been a hard 13 weeks and it will be an even harder 13 weeks to come, mostly though just because of the heat. Our days consist of harvesting, weeding and feeding and by that I mean foliar feeding our plants with a diluted fish emulsion cocktail in the evening just before sundown, The plants are struggling a bit, not enough nutrients were added to the soil at planting time and I'm trying to remedy the problem now, which isn't ideal but it is what it is and the tomatoes will ripen.

In spite of the fact that it is just July I am already thinking about October and November. Got to, the fall planting starts now. So tomorrow I'll start some brasicas (boc, cauli, cabb) in 4-6 weeks they will get set out into the fall/winter garden, and if all goes as planned harvest should be October-November. So my wheels are turning. I'm trying to stay in the present but just take little trips to the future for planning purposes. The new hoop house goes up next month and with two 60X14 hoop houses I should have a nice amount of greens to sell this winter.

I've decided not to offer a winter CSA. I'm going to experiment with growing in the hoop houses and sell during the winter months but I just don't think I can handle the pressure of a winter CSA again. I'm going to use this winter to re group, re evaluate and above all rest. Even though I love vegetables and enjoy growing, I have never had a desire to grow on this scale, and now that I've inherited Kasey's dream/project/whatever you call it, there isn't much room or time for much else and that includes cheese making and that is and always has been where my heart rests. Big lessons about compromising here and when not too.

Nate and Kathleen my interns for the season are really doing a fine job. I think they are learning a lot but unfortunately a lot of that learning is how to fix mistakes. I think that is some of the best learning you can get frankly but it is a little embarrassing, but they are taking it all in stride and they are a pleasure to be around. We've been working on a couple of canning projects and we went hunting for chanterelles so we've covered some ground. Kathleen spent a week learning how to milk and cheese making is next. This should be called real homesteading 101. Seriously, I could sell that! see there I go again. Maybe in a few years.

Kathleen getting plums ready for plum jam

Next week will be a big canning week; fixing the blackberry jam that didn't set, pickling jalapenos, dill pickles, bread and butter pickles, roasting peppers and freezing and all that jazz. Last year because of the move I didn't put up a thing and was forced to depend on the grocery store for my food. Ick! So its feels great to be settled a bit.

I am looking forward to winter a little bit. Just a little.

Note to self:

Live your dreams, your destiny, your pain, your joy, your challenges, struggles, your good luck your bad luck, your good days and bad days, aches, pains, ups, down, give, receive. but live dammit live.

Standing Out

This is our booth early morning at the farmers market just before the opening bell is rang. This year now that the farmers market has moved to the street were able to not only accommodate more customers but also more vendors. This is what a farmers market is all about, diversity of produce but also of growers, and hopefully a larger diversity of customers.

The thing for us vendors now is how do we stand out to the customers who we haven't already won the hearts of. How to can we maintain curb and price appeal? The key is we need to leave with very little. I don't expect to sell out, I always bring more than I know we will sell because I need to make the booth as appetizing as I (stack em high-watch em fly) can and for the most part we do come very close to selling out and this my friend is how the rent gets paid, the truck gets gas and electricity stays on. This is true for most of the vendors at the market. I love being behind the booth and the thrill I get by meeting and talking to so many amazing Tulsans, but at the end of the day I measure our week in dollars and cents.

A couple of weeks ago a man actually haggled with me over a dime. I couldn't believe it. It was over a jalapeno, I sell $1 for 10 and 10 cents for 1 he wanted two for 10 cents not two for 20 cents. so basically he wanted a free jalapeno. I had never seen him before, he wasn't on of my regular customers. He was nicely dressed and very hansom. I gave him the jalapeno just so he would leave. If I could have only plugged him into a day of the life of that jalapeno, which is my life and what it takes each day to get up at 5 in the morning and get after it day after day he might have just forked over the 10 cents. But I couldn't and really for some people its not worth explaining. So he left satisfied with his prize and I steamed over it for a couple of hours until I pulled 10 cents from the floor board of my car and put it in the cash box.

Thankfully there are not many folks carry this enduring quality. Most, 99.9% of the folks that come by the booth I would want to break bread with but its funny how that .001% make it into the memory banks. Today I'm dedicating my thoughts and memories and gratitude to all the amazing customers we have and how grateful I am for them. And to the guy that got the free jalepeno it took only 10 cents to remind me how incredibly lucky I am, thank you.