Getting scared

Last night we did something we haven’t done in ages, walked the goats. It wasn’t intentional, but we had decided to take a walk after dinner as the sun was going out and seeing that there was still about an hour of light left, we opened up the gate so the goats could graze a little before bed. They came out excited to munch on what the rain helped to raise out of the soil and they were content until they noticed we were still walking, oh my! There would be none of that, so 18 goats (at least I think that’s how many we have) followed us walking and eating the mile up the road. We turned back and headed home and they lead the way. The moon now was bright in the sky and the western sky brimmed with the setting sun. This is the pastoral vision of the farm landscape that stays in my mind and I can’t not recognize how amazingly blessed I am to be exposed to this gift and be moved by it.

Yesterday was the most productive I have felt in weeks. I cleaned the chicken bus out, spread the droppings in the fallow area of the garden, I worked in the field getting the last little bit of the compost spread on the fall beds, got it tilled in and the beds re-shaped. Most was tractor work but I was a little worried I wouldn’t last because of the heat. I managed to get done what I absolutely had to by 3:30 and found myself on the couch for the next 30 minutes. I took good care of myself though, drank a tremendous amount of water and juice, ate a staggering amount of vegetables in various stages and I must say already I am seeing an improvement.  More of the same today.

I was thinking yesterday that I have always for the most part eaten well and very healthy foods, whole and real foods, but in the summers I am so busy I often will eat pretty bad. Lots of bread, and yes even fast food. I’m not ashamed to admit I will grab what is most convenient at the time just to stop the pangs of hunger even though I know it’s not the best choice I could be making. Hey I’m human. I got no problem with that.  I’m still really busy but suddenly I’ve changed. Made a complete turnaround in a matter of seconds, I went from eating a diet of bread and goat cheese and whatever else I could grab without thought or intention from a steady intentional diet of things I know will feed my organs, balance my insulin, reduce inflammation in my organs, help reduce my headaches, raise my energy level and brain function. Why? Cause I got scared.

Why does it take fear or a major health incident to move us to take what we put into our bodies seriously? I have no idea. When I started a meal delivery service when I first moved here my clientele were people who were either recovering or in the throes of a life threatening illness and their last ditch effort was to eat better, in hopes to try to heal and or repair their bodies. One thing I saw time after time, was it was often too late. See I know better but still had to get scared. I would like to think I am better than that but my own humanness and my own short comings humbles me and I feel grateful that I don’t have a life threatening disease. 

There are two podcasts that I enjoyed listening to recently that helped me understand a little what goes on in our head at times like these, one is To The Best of our Knowledge- Procrastination. And the other was an interview last Saturday On Fresh Air on Brain function, I’ll have to get more detail I actually only got to listen to a bit of it but what I heard that stuck with me was the inner fight we have constantly, with things like diet or alcoholism etc.  Very interesting and worth the listen.

That’s my meandering for the day.