Update on Granny

All five Llamas are settling in quite fine. Kalamazoo, the gelding that I put in with the goats has finally ventured out of the yard. He went out yesterday for about 30 minutes and came right back. He stands at the gate looking toward the pasture his sisters are in but he wont be able to see them because they are off exploring. As a matter of fact I couldn't find them the other night. Linda and I went for a walk at dusk and had no luck figuring out where they were. So in the morning I took the tractor out and drove along the edges of the tree line.

I finally found them in a really nice little shaded thicket. Granny was on her side again, I really thought she was dead this time. I cautiously walked up. Nope she was alive. I helped her get up. We stood there for a while so she could find her sea legs. She seemed not to mind at all being talked to and caressed. Her long neck tall and proud. She passed a lot of gas right then.

Soon she was off with the others eating and keeping her eye sharp to the tree line and thick woods. Soon I couldn't see them. Later in the evening just before chore time I went to check on them and again and she was down on her side. See for some reason once she is on her side, she cant right herself, she is stuck. So I push her up and shes fine. But this time she was too weak to get up. I sat with her for a long time. Talking to her. The other three Llama stood very close by bending their necks down to sniff me. I felt clearly welcome. I tried to get her up but no good, so I gave up until Linda got home. We brought her water (which she drank) and a little sheep drench (glucose and minerals and stuff) but we still could not get her up.

Granny is 18. I clearly knew she came here to die, but to die with her herd, her family with grace and dignity. When I'm with her I feel like I'm back with my old granny, gas and all. Its nice in a way. I don't have pity for her really, she would hate that I'm sure. But I'm trying my hardest to make this transition as peaceful and loving as I can. The other girls wont leave her side so I'm not concerned about a coyote attack. But I'm going to ask around see what the best thing to do is. She doesn't seem to be in any pain or distress right now.

Yesterday I talked about putting her down and then I had a dream last night I was "put down" because I didn't fit into societies expectations of me. I thought I might be given a chance to conform and spared, but no, and as I was sitting on the floor cross legged (in my dream) the reaper came behind me with a thick strong rope and placed it around my neck. I relaxed and fell into it. I told myself not to fight it. It wouldn't take long, it would be over soon. Immediately I was plunged into a different place alive and well and carrying on again like normal. I don't really know what this means. But life is a beautiful gift and given grace it expires at its own will out of our reach or control. I have no idea what that means either :)