Racey, I love you.

Life on the farm isn't always blissful and euphoric. Sometimes there are problems that rattle you down the very marrow of your bones. Some problems you can fix and some you cant like when an animal fall sick. Most of the time they recover but sometimes they don't and the reality that someone very special might be edging there way out of the herd, out of the family is a heart wrenching reality for me right now.

Racey, one of my milk goats has been very sick with a respiratory disorder, I've treated it with antibiotics, antibacterials, and a host of other things all to no avail. She's getting worse and in obvious distress and dis-ease. After a long talk with my vet we came to determine this had every sign of chronic respiratory disease. She had this before one year ago but was able to recover. This time its a lot worse. As a last ditch effort I've given her one of the strongest antibiotics available hoping something anything can break through. But in the event it doesn't work I'm sure I will loose her.

She is a sweet one and had been one of my best milkers. She is so affectionate and can just sit forever with you and have her cheeks rubbed and her cute little face kissed. I am really crossing my fingers this will work. I have her isolated in the hopes that this doesn't spread and no one is too happy about this at all, but she seems comfortable just very labored breathing and obviously she seems really sick and tired of being sick. I should know fairy quickly if this drug is working, by tomorrow evening she should show some signs of getting better. I'm not getting my hopes up but I'm not giving up either. I've seen a goat recover that I was sure was a goner and now thrives. So today is a day on edge, fingers crossed and breath held.

I have had friends who have lost goats and other farm animals and I know its part of the life, its never easy. If it does come down to that I pray I can handle it with grace as they seem to have done.

a living or a life?

meet Martha.

The weather the past few weeks has been so beautiful, feels like late spring. Yesterday (Saturday)I Slept in until 7am and awoke to the bright morning staring me right in the face like a hungry chicken. I wanted to be outside immediately. I wanted to do something, walking, planning, counting fallen leaves, something, anything to give me a reason to go outside. The new flock of sheep was a good reason, so after morning chores and after breakfast Linda and I went out to the sheep yard and sat with our eleven new additions to the farm.

They have been keeping their distance but after a while I was nose to nose with Annabelle and some others showed a slight interest in me as well. I was pleased their response wasn’t fear. I know it will take a little time for me to earn their trust and I’ll give them that, I expect to have a fruitful partnership with them for many years.

Ya know I’ve been thinking about a conversation I had with the previous shepherdess of my new flock, Heidi. She asked me if I was a full time farmer. Strangely I was taken aback a little, I didn’t know quite how to respond, a simple yes or a simple no really was not a kind of answer this question deserves. But it’s complicated. Yes, I farm full time, like more than eight hours a day but I make a part time wage, so I don’t as some would say make a living, but it’s how I live. I work very part time at OSU Stillwater teaching cooking classes, for this I get a tangible usable wage that I couldn’t be more grateful for especially deep in the throes of February when the cash spring has dried to hard cracked red clay. But for me it’s not about making a living, it’s about making a life. I don’t know how to express that in a sound bite but I think it’s a good conversation to have.

Everyday I’m torn about this very thing of making a living and making a life. I’m happy. I mean really happy. But I stress about making ends meet. I’ve never felt more happy and content in all my life but I worry how I will pay the hay bill. What’s the compromise? Is there one. I could be unhappy and be stressed about the same things right.

Yesterday Belize one of my milk goats looked a bit under the weather so I put her on the stantion, let her eat grain while I stuck a thermometer up her butt. She had a high temp. So I mixed several aspirin with warm water and molasses and sucked up the mixture into a syringe that had the needle removed and squirted it in her mouth. I checked her every few hours, shes doing better this morning. Several days ago I found a hen unable to walk. Can’t for the life of me figure out entirely what’s wrong, been giving her water and food but no success, she’s one of my oldest hens and she seemed content and calm, but I made the decision to put her down, if I hadn’t I was sure she would die a slow death of starvation and dehydration, now she is in my freezer.

I have such a profound respect for the cycle of life and my role in it. There is death in my future I’m sure of it. So that settles it for me. Making and celebrating a life comes before making a living. Yes I am a full time farmer like most making a part time wage, but living a life I love.

BTW I went to the Garden Diva open house Friday night. Denise from Clear Creek Lavender brought some of her yarn which she had dyed herself. May I just say I was moved in ways that made me wonder what the hell is happening to me, how did fiber get so firkin cool?????? cant wait till my first sheering. lostcityknits.blogspot.com .

Sheep Raisin' good time

Well, I did it. I bought 11 Southdown sheep. I Went and picked them up on Tuesday from a beautiful family who just could not keep them any longer due to some major fencing issues.

I've talked about having fiber sheep and goats for a while now but strangely in spite of my desires, I have actually been in the market for more St croix or Katahdin Hair sheep to add to my flock. Its funny because even though I really wanted fiber sheep I was too scared to even think about getting any. The shearing, the fiber, I dunno the unknown, uncharted territory, insecurity, fear of.....who knows.

Well this young shepherd and his family needed to sell their flock I heard about it and called. I went out that afternoon to give them a look and came home will all 11. It was one of those meant to be kind of moments for me, where I feel like I am not in control but everything is right, the good, the bad the The. I swear just when I feel like a budding atheist ready to bloom and I go and screw it up by feelling that giddy presence of that, thing. That something greater, that mysterious mystery. Like the universe is like "um I think its time now for you to have fiber sheep and here they are".

So I hope to raise a large flock for all natural pasture raised lamb and fiber. I have a plan, I have hopes, I have dreams and all doubt seems to be clearing the way for what I feel is the next fantastic journey

The new sheep are in quarantine for a while so I can make sure there are no potential problems or diseases but the goats are really curious and ready to be introduced, and keep getting into their pen but so far the sheep seem very healthy so hopefully all should be well.

This is all pretty exciting for me. I'll keep ya posted!

The chicken strike

Anyone who has followed this blog understands breakfast is a very important and a well regarded meal 'round here especially on Sundays. But lets talk the everyday grind. Aside from last week when I was under the weather, I usually cook us up a fairly big lumber jack like breakfast. Maybe potatoes, maybe bagels maybe eggplant but whatever it is it always comes with three to four eggs. Perhaps fried, or scrambled, poached or basted ( I was once a breakfast cook many many moons ago). That might seem like a lot but its got to hold us over for a while and we need as much energy as we can muster, but more than that they are just the best eggs I have ever tasted...in my life!

Last I counted we had 49 hens, all about a year and a half old. They were laying real good this summer and I had plenty of eggs for breakfast and enough for my CSA members and farmer's market customers. But, after the move egg production just about came to a screeching halt. 49 hens were producing one to three eggs a day. Yea! how am I gonna survive.

Today..... I ate an English muffin, topped with chopped onions, bacon and TWO yes TWO fried eggs! Ahhgh!!!! (me flailing on the floor).

I asked my self all the logical questions; Is a snake eating them? is it because they are molting? (loosing and growing new feathers) are they not getting enough protein? Are they afraid? Chickens will stop laying if they feel threatened, they figure the chick will be too vulnerable. (tell me a chicken is stupid and I'll show you someone who knows not much about chickens).
Back to the questions: Is their house too bright? are the nesting boxes too exposed? Do they hate it here?

WHY! Why chickens? why no eggs????

By the looks of them they are healthy and full figured. They get lots of whey from cheese making and they eat the cheese mistakes. They always seem excited to see me.

There is one thing I can try and that is extend the daylight hours. So I'll put a light in the hen house. I've read this works. It tricks the hens into believing its NOT time for bed, its time to get busy! OK, OK, I know what your probably thinking, that's something stupid those chickens do. But I've seen some pretty smart people get tricked into believing more preposterous things than that! (enter, talking snake just for starters). So this doesn't make them any less intelligent than the next chicken just slightly delusional. So I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.

Operation Egglay!

1) light, I'll turn if off round 9pm, Don't want them sleep deprived either!
2) put the door on and close the windows making it a little less exposed and a little darker.

3) ah....hmm, look for snake tracks.

4) put a ipod in the hen house to play that cute chicken song, whats that called? you know: dun nu nunununu nu. nu nu nunununu nu. You know it right?

So, we'll see if these things work. Its important to me that the girls are happy. I know they don't care for the rain, I sympathise with them completely.

I hope they know how much I love them!

Staying current?

OK, its hard. Time goes by so fast that its hard to stay current. But last weekend was my last farm table dinner of the season. It was cold and my guest were real troupers out on the back screened in porch. We had lots of candlelight and lots of warm spirits but lots of shivers too. We made a bon fire out front and took breaks and warmed up.

The menu:

Mushroom Feast
Living Kitchen Farm and Dairy
Aperitif- Prickly pear infused vodka
Amuse Buche- Crostini with seared lion’s mane, homemade feta and a light drizzling of truffle oil.
First course
Wilted kale and chard with chicken of the woods chips and fresh chevre
Second
Shiitake mushroom bisque with smoked salmon
For the tongue-Champagne ice
Entree
Mushroom trio of yellow and grey oyster, chicken of the woods, king oyster and beef stew served with barley pilaf stuffed delicata squash
Dessert
Baked pears in brandy with homemade caramel goat milk ice cream

October 10th 2009

The fall colors were amazing and the cabin looked absolutely magical. What a gift it is to be here. Looking forward to next spring and sharing this wonderful place with you!

Things have finally calmed down. I'm feeling much better (yup, flu) and I've really gotten some rest and some time to take stock of whats ahead. I'm like a kid right now and its a few days before Christmas, I see the presents but I cant open them yet. I'm like so excited I could pee my pants. Maybe I shouldn't have shared that. But ya know what I mean.

Stay tuned!

new chapter starts almost now

A cold seems to have come up on me suddenly forcing me to retreat under covers snuggled up with max (my scrappy terrier mixy mix). It’s been a day of miserable coughing and an unrelieved effort to feel better NOW and get some work done. But I’ve been stopped in my tracks. I guess that’s what it takes sometimes. I’ve put on a big pot of chicken broth to help cure my ails.

This week I’ve had a mix of melancholy, anger and joy over the final load at the old farm. On Sunday a bunch of us packed up the yurt and drove down the cedar lined driveway for the last time. The garden still bearing the fruits of our labor but left to rot on the vine, truly was most heart breaking of all, but I was told that if I came onto the property after the first of Oct I would be trespassing. It’s funny how grace can just disappear into the folds of one’s existents, tucked safely away for a more convenient time. Alas I can finally say a new chapter has begun. I will put the last six years behind me and carry on! Probably easier said than done but time heals right?

The move was difficult for me I have to admit although I tried really hard to be incredibly positive and cheerful about the whole thing it was also very heart breaking. Most of the time I felt like the move would never end, there was always something more to haul, catch or clean and unfortunately I had some run ins with the ex that were non too pleasant. I did not realize how difficult it would be to try to move a farm while still operating the daily farm responsibilities like milking twice a day, making cheese, harvesting, selling at the farmers market, trying to get the new place in order for the animals; goat fencing, barn building, and plowing up the new land for a fall/winter garden, while at the same time trying to maintain the old place in sellable condition which I was not too successful at. OK a lot for anyone I know. Why I felt it was necessary to do some of those things was a matter of survival. Hard to explain.

The new farm feels like home to me. It’s taking time to settle in and getting unpacked but the animals love it and that right there gives me so much joy. Once the initial shell shock of the move settles down we’re gonna do some serious farming. I can see the dream so clearly here, that the sadness, the questioning, the self doubt all just melt away. I dreamt of sheep last night, there were many and it was good.

Goat give-a-way

Thanks to everyone who voted for me in the great goat give a way. I didn’t get into the final round but I did come in 12 out of 61 so I don’t feel bad at all. Above all, thanks for all of the heartwarming compliments. Reading the comments I was overtaken by the sheer sense of gratitude for gifts I have been given already just by having the opportunity to be in so many wonderful loving people’s lives. Thank you

I haven’t given up on fiber goats but through this I have realized I might be more inclined to fiber sheep. I love goats but they can be a hand full, sheep are a little more laid back and might go easier on me than goats so I’ll continue researching and finding the right fit at the farm. But were those Angora goats cute or what! I have not ruled them out yet!

There were so many really good essays and so many of the writers shared similar stories, of rebirth, transformation, struggle and ultimately peace and happiness. There were folks of all ages and backgrounds, it felt strange to me that I could share so much in common with a person or family across the United States. I felt like we could all be enjoying a good pot luck together talking unabashedly about our sheep and goats, chickens and Llamas.

What a great experience and opportunity Fiber farm www.fiberfarm.com gave all of us. I’m sure it was a bit of a challenge on their end and much bigger deal than they thought it would be, but they did a great job keeping us in the loop and following through on the counts and such. I’m really happy to have found their site and blog.

Well, off to milk, got a really busy day, fall planting is well on its way.